
Her reply: “no”
My response: “When you hear it, give
me a call. I want to know what you think. I love it!”
A few days later I got a call from
her. “I know why you love that song,” she said. “The mama is you. You think
she’s giving good advice.”
I didn’t deny the charge, although
it’s not completely true.
What I call my formative years
occurred during the 1950s, when “what will the neighbors think?” was a genuine
concern and behaving yourself in public in order to “save a little face” wasn’t
frowned upon. But I entered my teens during the 1960s—the decade in which pop-culture
influencers instructed impressionable youths to “let it all hang out.” So can
it come as a surprise to anyone that on the subject of expressing emotions, I
stand firmly in the middle?
I contend somewhere between uptight
restraint, which insists we inhibit our feelings to the point of denying them, and
flagrant exhibitionism, which says it’s perfectly okay for a full-grown adult to
throw a temper tantrum in the Walmart parking lot, there is a balanced way to
handle them.
Here are some strategies I recommend:
1. Acknowledge
your feelings, but don’t act on them in public. Your little tirade might be
cathartic for you, but it unnerves innocent bystanders. And when it’s all over,
you’re going to want to forget about it while others have already posted it on
Facebook. (Of course, there are those out there—and you know who you are—who
thrive on this kind of attention.) Also, a public display could get you fired
or arrested. I’ve always found the shower to be the perfect place to carry out
a noisy meltdown.
2. Talk out your
angst with family or friends, but know there’s a limit to what even those
closest to you can endure. If the BFF you’ve known since grade school—or your
own mother—starts blocking your calls, take the Dear Abby route: consult a
professional.
3. Employ a
diversionary tactic. Shopping works for me, even if it is just window shopping.
But if financial problems are the cause of your emotional stress, find another tactic.
4. “Fix your
make-up...paint your toes.” The song makes fun of mama’s instructions to take a
little pride in appearance, but I happen to think that’s wise advice. If you're dealing with anger, I’ve
always liked Ivana Trump’s approach: “Looking good is the best revenge.” But
DON’T make any major cosmetic decisions—like cutting your hair (with or without
“rusty scissors”) or getting a tattoo—before giving yourself a reasonable
cooling off period.

6. Sing! That’s
right. My mama once told me she knew when her mother was upset because she’d
start humming. Even if your singing ability falls somewhere between an off-key
bagpipe and a cat’s caterwauling, find a private place and belt out a song. The
louder, the more therapeutic. I’ve found the shower stall is a good place for
this, too.
Above all...
7. Pray. This is
the tricky one. I think it’s especially difficult to pray when dealing with anger,
but that’s the time it’s most critical. I’ve discovered (after a lot of resistance) that it’s hard
to remain mad at someone for whom you’re praying.
I must admit I’ve learned these
lessons the hard way—through many trials and errors. But on the times I’ve had
the presence of mind to follow them, I’ve saved myself a lot of grief. And, yes, I've spent a lot of time in the shower.
If you
have some strategies that work for you, I can always use more!
I'm right there with ya, sister...singin' in the shower! ;) Love this blog! Thanks for sharing! ---Lisa
ReplyDeleteMy Grandma, who had ten kids, always said to play the piano and she was right. Great stress reliever.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and parents and brother always knew when I was upset because I played the piano. Now, with children, this stress-purging ceremony isn't the same. Their arms and legs climbing on me sometimes stresses me out more, but it usually turns into hugs and laughs. Now, those are great stress relievers.
DeleteBrandi and Christine, Yes, I can see piano playing being a great stress releaser--IF playing comes naturally to you. For those like me who struggle, it can sometimes be more stress inducing! ;-)
DeleteI haven't heard that song yet, but I checked out the lyrics. LOVE. And I love your strategies. One of my strategies would be "spend less time on the internet" because that's often where I run into things that make me sad and/or mad. Better to dive into a novel or just sit quietly with my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Sonia. Most of the time I enjoy perusing FB to see what friends are up to, but there are other times I just have to "back away from the computer." And a good book is one of my all-time favorite escapes from stress.
DeleteOh my gosh - that's a fun one! Thanks for putting the link in for us to hear. "Paint your lips and keep them closed"?? I'd have trouble with that one!
ReplyDeleteHave trouble keeping your lips closed? Oh, surely not you, Shel! ;-)
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