Monday, December 31, 2012

Say "Cheese"...and Duck


           When I asked my daughter Kristin to send me a picture of Brooks in his new room, this is what I got.

 

Seems he’s going through a phase in which he hates to have his picture taken. I can’t blame him. I’m going through that phase myself. The difference is he’ll probably outgrow it. I'll only get worse.

             It’s kind of cute when a toddler throws himself face down on the floor and refuses to have his picture made, but not so much when his grandma does it. And the strategy of ducking right before the camera clicks doesn’t work anymore. It worked thirty years ago when it took weeks to get pictures developed, but in the age of instant photo-gratification, in less than a nano-second people are on to your trick. So through trial, error, and mortification, I’ve developed some coping tactics which—using myself as an example—I’m sharing with those of you who also suffer from photophobia. Feel free to use these the next time people insist you join in the group photo. 

EXHIBIT A: DON’Ts
 
 
 
 ·         DON’T stand next to, behind, or anywhere near the youngest, skinniest people in the group.   
        (I use the word skinny as a compliment.)
·         DON’T look at the camera face-on.
·         DON’T expose any more of your body than is absolutely necessary.
·         DON’T wear anything shiny on or near body parts you don’t want emphasized, e.g. thick neck, broad shoulders. (NOTE: If you, like me, have a weakness for bright, shiny things, don’t give up wearing them. Just remove them before having your picture made.)
 
 
EXHIBIT B: DOs

 

·         DO hide behind other people or position yourself on the row farthest back.
·         DO, angle your body to the camera.
·         DO cover or camouflage as much as possible those body parts you don’t want emphasized, e.g. thick neck, broad shoulders. 

Another helpful hint is to avoid squinty, “Porky Pig” eyes by smiling only with your lips and holding your eyes open. But a word of caution here: I STRONGLY advise you practice this technique in the mirror before trying it in a picture. Otherwise, you might come out looking scared. Or scary as evidenced below.
 
 

Finally, some advice for those annoying headshots we sometimes have to provide. To avoid the expense of professional lighting, photo-shopping, and air-brushing, your best bet is to follow this acronym: KISS (Keep It Small, Stupid). I might be the only person in the country who likes her drivers license picture. In fact, the last time I renewed my license, I asked for re-prints of the photo. The agent informed me she didn’t have the right equipment. That’s unfortunate because those stamp-sized pics are perfect for hiding wrinkles, fine lines, yellowing teeth, thinning hair, enlarged pores...whatever ails ya.
 
I hope these techniques prove helpful to you. If they do, please let me know, and if you have some of your own, please share. 

Wishing you Health and Happiness in the Shiny New Year!

(And thanks to the fabulously photogenic Inklings for helping me demonstrate my techniques!)

 

11 comments:

  1. You're too funny. My daughter always tells me that I do photos wrong. I'm sure it's the fault of the photo that I have double chins and wrinkles.

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    1. I'm sure it's the fault of the photo, Christine. I've never noticed wrinkles or a double chin on you in person!

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  2. Dee Dee! You're cracking me up. And you always look great in photos!

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    1. Thanks for the lovely compliment, Sonia, but when you say, "always," I refer you to that last picture! :-)

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  3. Dee Dee, you're one of the prettiest people I know--and one of the funniest.

    You should read this. I think it applies to grandmas as well: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

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    1. Aww, Nicci, I didn't expect this post to make me feel so good. However, I did read the suggested article and have to admit it made me feel a little guilty. But only a little. :-)

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  4. Oh my goodness! Best laugh I've had in a long time. Dee Dee Chumley you have a gift- thank you for sharing. I will work on my camera ready strategies in 2013!

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. Glad it made you laugh. We can all work on our strategies this weekend!

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  5. Oh my, you're hilarious!Don't forget about the wonder of glasses to hide laugh lines.:)

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  6. Thanks, Brandi. I'll add that to the list of DOs!

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  7. NOW you tell me. AFTER I pose next to someone thinner and younger - while looking directly into the camera!Lesson learned - thanks!

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