Saturday, November 17, 2012

Rent-a-Toddler


I was slow in following through on my previous money-making inspirations—a dome-shaped umbrella and an adult-sized sleep sack—and, consequently, missed out on making a boat load of money. But recently, a sure-fire idea came to me, and this time I’m not dragging my feet. With this post, I’m taking immediate action to cash in on my revolutionary idea, Rent-a-Toddler.
            Being a Baby Boomer, I’m well aware of two pressing needs of my generation: exercise and sleep. And having spent the past week caring for my two-year-old grandson, Brooks, I’ve received the equivalent of Insanity workouts during the days and slept like a hibernating bear at nights. Since the number one principle behind business success is identifying and meeting needs, what could make more sense than renting toddlers to Boomers?
The logic behind this concept is so obvious I’m amazed no one thought of it sooner. It’s  a win-win-win situation for all involved. For less than the cost of a gym membership or a personal trainer, Boomers can rent a toddler for any specified amount of time and get the best exercise and sleep of their lives. I also can assure Boomers that, for no extra charge, they’ll receive valuable boosts to their mental well-being. I mean, how often does your yoga instructor’s face break into a huge smile when you enter the room? Or when was the last time your boot camp instructor grabbed you around the knees and said, “I wuv you”? Toddlers will benefit from this program as well. They will get the undivided attention of a responsible, doting adult while they go about their play, and the money their parents make on rentals and save on daycare can go into their college fund. As for me, I’ll make a killing off a small processing and handling fee for bringing the parties together. Brilliant!
So don’t delay and miss out on this fantastic opportunity. If you’re a Boomer, let me know how many days a week and at what times you would like to schedule a toddler. (If you’re looking for an extreme workout, I can get you two at the same time but don’t recommend it without a physical and doctor’s approval.) If you’re a mom, let me know how often you would like to rent out your toddler(s). And if you’re looking for a lucrative business opportunity, contact me about a franchise.
Note: All toddlers will come with a handbook of recommended exercises. But, being toddlers, they will probably ignore it and do exactly what they like. However, here are a few exercises you can try:
 
To strengthen your core, try the uphill stroller press. You can use one of those fancy jogging strollers,
but the umbrella model will intensify your workout.
 
 
Forget an expensive Stairmaster. Thirty to forty trips a day up and down the stairs, will tighten the glutes.(I realize this picture isn't good advertising for that, but bear in mind I've only been following this regimen for a week and the camera adds ten pounds!)
 
Ride-a-little-pony leg lifts will give you quads of steel. Not recommended for those with knee problems.
 
 
Pumping a swing instead of iron will quickly firm up those underarm flip-flappers!
  

5 comments:

  1. Love it! I personally count "ride a little pony legs" as part of my daily workout routine.

    Also, I have a preschooler I am willing to rent out on occasion . . .

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    1. Thanks, Nicci! I'm thinking of renting out preschoolers for those who want more of an aerobic workout. Preschoolers don't want to be carried as much, but they're faster and are harder to catch!

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  2. You made me laugh out loud, Dee Dee!

    I don't know what you call the exercise, but my toddler is in the phase where her hands are held up all the time for me to lift and carry her. Caution: lift with your legs, not your back!

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    1. Thank you, Brandi. If I don't get rich on this venture, my consolation will be that I made someone laugh!
      Good health tip about lifting with the legs!

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  3. I am very glad to hear that you got your Supra fixed. I remember reading about some of your problems.
    fitness workout routines

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